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  • pendul7
    Participant
    Post count: 280

    Weekly update

    Bankroll : $4.05k.

    Small recap from last week.

    3 study sessions, as planned. That was great to set this goal, it definitely helped me reach it. So I’ll keep this new habit! For this week it will be 2 only (I wouldn’t mind more of course), because it’s a busy week at work and I won’t have a lot of free time during the week. And I’m not sure about the evenings.

    At the tables, it’s been quite a mess. Break-evenish week (read loosing week). Variance aside, I’ve been a lot more prone to tilt recently, and it’s not good news. Entitlement tilt, it is, 100%.

    “I’ve had some rough sessions recently, my bankroll has not increased in a long time, so now I deserve to win that flip / to make the FT / run deep!”. Yeah, sure. But, actually… well, no, not at all. You don’t. Repeat after me :

    You. Don’t. Deserve. Shit.

    The tilt is slightly less intense and a lot more manageable than before (like most of the times I just shout a big “Fuck” and then I’m back to a more normal state of mind), but still, I don’t like to see it back as it certainly doesn’t help my game.

    But as I like to say, there are no problems, only solutions. And my tilt issues are no exception.

    Therefore, let’s include some tilt related goals for the week. Here are my goals :

    • 2 study sessions (video, ICM, full analysis), at least one hand on discord,
    • Active on discord (reading everything is a must + sharing thoughts whenever possible),
    • Warm-up before every single session including breathing exercises, some visualization and setting internal goals (so no more rushing into the sessions even if you’re late for the grind),
    • Rate each session on three levels : game, mindset, focus (and comments if need be).

    Well, in general, I should also not forget that I’m currently in a transition period (still 1.5 month to work before I quit one of my jobs for good as I had 3 months notice). So in terms of poker, there’s no need to rush, I have all the time I need and more. And most importantly, I’m in a hurry to improve, move up and everything, but I need to enjoy the process and enjoy the ride. That might as well be a key for my tilt issues.

    Work, Dedication and Patience. That’s all one needs.

    Wish you all a great week!

    pendul7
    Participant
    Post count: 280

    Small update, just because my tilt came back with full strength yesterday, after showing more and more signs these past weeks.

    With this post, I’m just trying to organise thoughts and share this here to show things as they are. If you feel I’m whining or anything, just tell me, I’m trying to be productive here; I’ve always needed to intellectualize things.

    I thought I made big progress over the last months, but not if I look at yesterday’s session. I know it’s useless to be pissed about being pissed and I can’t really rate my mindset on one occasion, but still. Funny things is that I even ended up making two deep runs and a nice profit yesterday.

    The main reason is a break-even period of 3-4 months now, and it’s really starting to get me, lowering my tolerance threshold of “run bad” (which might not even be run bad at all). I should just be grateful that it’s not a downswing but hard to find joy in this as you may expect.

    I know I can’t do anything but work hard and focus on my game. I’ve been saying this a lot to others recently but these days, I find it pretty hard to apply it myself. I know quiting for some time is a solution, but for now, I won’t. It’s a great opportunity for me to work on my mental game. And if I want to succeed, I can’t take break whenever everything is not working as I want it to be. I feel like I’m a fucking spoiled kid that didn’t get an ice cream. Just because I expect things to happen. And I shouldn’t.

    I need to specifically work on this although I’m not sure how. I still practice meditation daily, even made 200 days in a row on Headspace a couple of days ago. I think I’ll jump back into the mindset course, and back to the exercises. I’ll do them again, maybe I missed something important.

    Always feels good to write something down. Now let’s put words into action.

    Sorry for the pretty useless post.

    Good luck guys!

    rye_mariano5
    Moderator
    Post count: 1942

    Hey man, don’t be too hard on yourself.  You’re aware of the issues and are ready to battle through which puts you way ahead of most of the competition already.  Being honest about it is a sign of strength, because a lot of people pretend everything is great when they’re posting, but in reality they’re struggling a lot as well.  Nice work with the meditation too!

    good luck with the rest of the month.

    pendul7
    Participant
    Post count: 280

    Hey man, don’t be too hard on yourself. You’re aware of the issues and are ready to battle through which puts you way ahead of most of the competition already. Being honest about it is a sign of strength, because a lot of people pretend everything is great when they’re posting, but in reality they’re struggling a lot as well. Nice work with the meditation too!

    good luck with the rest of the month.

    Thanks for your kind words, man, I really appreciate!

    Awareness and honesty is a first step for sure. But being rational about it is sometimes hard, even more when it seems like nobody else is experiencing any struggle. But actually everyone does, of course, and a lot more than one would think.

    pendul7
    Participant
    Post count: 280

    Weekly update

    Bankroll : $4.02k.

    For once, the weekly update on Tuesday as I was quite busy yesterday.

    One more break-even week which does not please me as you can imagine. But I’ve been working on my mindset and it helped me quite a lot to write some stuff down and go through some mindset videos again. Actually, it even helped me too much, in my opinion. At least, too much to be sustainable in the long term. I won’t complain of course, it’s definitely a relief right now, but I need to make it a habit to spend time every week on my mental game and mindset (in addition to meditation and all that of course). I’ve also tried some cold showers here and there, but nothing too regular. For now, I do it maybe once or twice a week when I feel like it. One step at a time.

    Also, I thought about a nice analogy that I’d like to use from now on. When I did my bachelor degree, which took 3 years, I was simply a student, I was not an economist yet. That’s not different now about poker; I’m not about to go pro, I’m only about to become a dedicate poker student. And that, at least for the next 3 years. This hopefully will give me time and remove some self-inflicted pressure. This should be definitely good as long as I don’t get lazy, which I don’t intend to.

    Not much else to say, so good luck for this week!

    pendul7
    Participant
    Post count: 280

    Weekly update

    Bankroll : $4.25k.

    Long time no see! Not much to say to be honest, I’m really busy. 3 weeks before I officially quit my job and still quite some stuff to finish because I want the transition to be as smooth as possible for them.

    Other than that, my mindset is great right now on and off the tables, I’m so grateful for everything that’s happening to me. My readings have also helped a lot recently (“The Tao of Pooh” by Benjaming Hoff and “Meditations” from Marcus Aurelius, which are two really great books I highly recommend).

    Not very active on discord right now and the study sessions are quite short as well, but as said I just have too much right now. Starting in October, I should have gradually more time and a lot more in 2020. I also found a place where I can play live poker 5 minutes away from where I live and I’ve been there a few times. There’s a tournament twice a week, very fast structure but pretty fun and I like the interaction with people as well (as weird as it seems to me).

    Anyway, have to go, back to work. Cheers and have a great week everyone!

    studentpok
    Participant
    Post count: 9

    Hey man,

    your posts are really interesting. One thing i am currently wondering myself about is the connection between work and poker. How did you do it? As I read, you will quit your job in 3 weeks. But before, you were not able to put in the volume right?

    I think the transition between full-time work and then the cut to a full-time poker player can be really harsh and i´m kinda afraid of that.

    Cheers!

    pendul7
    Participant
    Post count: 280

    Hey man,

    your posts are really interesting. One thing i am currently wondering myself about is the connection between work and poker. How did you do it? As I read, you will quit your job in 3 weeks. But before, you were not able to put in the volume right?

    I think the transition between full-time work and then the cut to a full-time poker player can be really harsh and i´m kinda afraid of that.

    Cheers!

    Well my situation is a bit weird. I have 3 jobs : 2 half-time jobs and I’m also lecturer at the local university for just a couple of hours per week. And I’ll quit only one half-time job only in 3 weeks, so I’ll still be working 2-3 days a week.

    For me it’s perfect because it’ll give me more time to play and study poker and see if it works for me and suits me well, while being financially safe. Switching directly from full-time work to full-time poker is a big step for sure, and I think you need a LOT of self-discipline to be successful. To be honest, I think it’s the single most important factor deciding whether you’ll succeed or not.

    About the volume, I was still able to put in decent volume but not really consistently, and I think that’s a problem, because sometimes you’re just too tired to play after a full day at work, sometimes you spend time with your girlfriend, friends, etc. To be honest, for now, I’m not even sure I’d want to be a full-time poker player in the future, we’ll see how it goes. But playing and studying a lot more than what I do now to be able to improve and move up in stakes, that’s for sure.

    pendul7
    Participant
    Post count: 280

    Weekly update

    Bankroll : 4.28k.

    Wow, time’s definitely flying! I’ve been busy as hell as university started this week (and I didn’t take time to prepare myself too much until it was almost too late…) and I’m just out of my first lecture. It was really fun, but takes a lot of time to prepare. I’ll still have quite some work in the next 2-3 weeks and then it should slow down slightly. Next week is also my last week at my other job, so slowly but surely, we’re getting there.

    The bad news is that I must say that all this work aside from poker sucked a lot of energy and I can’t really motivate myself to do much studying for poker in what remains of my free time. In addition, I almost feel like a stranger on discord now, I can’t keep up with everything that’s happening and I don’t like that at all. I also know that it’s bad for my game, but at the same time, the real journey has not even began. Maybe I should, but to be honest, I can’t really blame myself too much right now. Once I get more time, I’ll need to be really consistent though. Summer has been really terrible in terms of consistency. I’ll soon set a strict schedule, and it should be fine. At the end, it’s all that matters: discipline, and hard work!

    I’m also trying to wonder what will happen to this blog. It feels to me right now that I’m repeating myself a lot in my posts. I still write them weekly (almost always), because I like my habits, but there’s not much to say… We’ll see!

    Cheers and have a great week!

    pendul7
    Participant
    Post count: 280

    Weekly update

    Bankroll : $4.46k.

    Smallest update ever just to say I’m still alive, but life’s been quite a mess recently. Barely played (although have been running good when I did).

    Good news is that finally I’m now officially working part time, but I’m also newly single, which is a great decision in the long run but is fucking things up a bit in the short run. Other side problems adding up here and there and here we are.

    Anyway, a lot to digest, but don’t you worry, I’ll be back, more than ever!

    All the best guys

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